Fear and shame in The Ethical Slut

As opossed to obscene words in the text and their ability to uncover particular norms and values, the explicit usage of fear and shame in the book uncovers their regulatory role. This regulatory role is primarily found in the context of sexual behavior and the limitations characterizing it. Shame will be more tied to the context of sexual behavior than fear. Even during the reading process we may decode certain information not only about our personal attitude towards something, but also about subtle nuances of the cultural and social structure

54

we belong to. Will these be manifested because of us feeling uncomfortable, uneasy or by simply blushing is individual, but shame will remain as their dominant expression.

It is interesting to consider why shame can be so powerful even when we are alone, although it is not surprising. Two elements come into play; memory and imagination.

Memory is based on personal experiences and recollections of actions/events which can make us blush by mere thinking about them and reinforce shame internally. Imagination, on the other hand, will be reinforced externally because the aspects of our being found within it are often those we do not usually put on display for others to witness. In short, even considering something that did not actually happen can potentiate feelings of shame and be proof of entrenched norms. Thus, we view fear and shame as not only regulating our behavior in the public sphere but also the intimate one, which is the inception of the reproduction of our everyday self.

In The Ethical Slut, the word fear appears 41 times, whereas we encounter shame 23 times.

In all of the occurrences they are located in the context of sexuality, sexual practices and limitations. Below we offer the most symptomatic examples that include the notions of fear and shame:

Since we all have desires, puritanical values lead inevitably to self-loathing, hatred of our bodies and our turn-ons, and fear and guilt over our sexual urges (Ibid. 23).

We see ourselves surrounded by the walking wounded – by people who have been deeply injured by fear, shame, and hatred of their own sexual selves (Ibid. 23).

We don't want to terrify the kids, and we don't want them to come into their own adult sexual lives with the belief that sex is dirty and shameful (Ibid. 102).

Shame, and the beliefs we were taught that our bodies, our desires, and sex are dirty and wrong, make it very hard to develop healthy sexual self-esteem (Ibid. 230).

The above quotes show the presence of the notion of fear as weaker than those of shame.

Considering fear and its prevalent regulatory role in the external, public sphere, the regulatory role of shame positioned primarily within the intimate, private sphere takes over a higher level of importance during the reading process. It awakens the self and its set of existing norms and beliefs, as well as the attitude towards them. Because of this, we may interpret shame as obstructing the successfulness of reappropriation on the textual level, whereas fear hinders its transfer to the cultural level. Both of them are indeed complementary, but their intenzification is in accordance with the existing level of cultural and social restrictions and regulations.

Shame, as manifested during the reading process is the primary symptom of the social structure a person is a part of, while fear is the second one. While reading, the reader

55

communicates with himself/herself the established norms constituting the social structure while bringing them into question primarily by means of the imaginative function which opposes the real and imagined, unrealized world. The idea of reappropriation is awakened and/or strengthened in the reader's mind, but when correlated with the manifestation of fear and shame, it will remain an idea in the majority of cases.

Thus, even while reading, obscene words which are loaded with such negative connotative values during a long period of time will stand a minimum chance of being washed from them.

The actual realized minimum where reappropriation may take place to an extent is among readers that already use the presented obscene words as reappropriated. Furthermore, the transfer from text to culture is realized only within small circles of people practicing polyamory (or any other form of sexual and romantic engagement perceived as non-normative) who want to find their place within the monogamous world by means of the emancipatory characteristic of reappropriation. This practice, however, inevitably remains in the periphery due to the usage within the circles and communities of people who aimed to reappropriate them in the first place, but it doesn't leave out the derogatory connotative value of them. Rather it provides a positive connotation strictly in the context of the particular groups' use, where every member is acquainted with the prevalent usage and uses the obscene words accordingly. Hence, reappropriation is quite unstable and short-term.

In the majority belonging to the centre, reappropriation will remain in the readers' mind as an idea, its subseqeunt development hindered and regulated by shame and fear, as well as their mere location within the proscribed normative everyday practice and language.

56