Parenting Questions
What is „good parenting“?
Parental education: fresh ideas for parents
Parent counselling: practical advice for everyday situations
Becoming parents-staying a couple
Being a dad
Dealing with new media:
Television
Computer
Clear rules for surfing and chatting online
What is „good parenting“?
A loving and respectful attitude towards a child is the foundation of being a good parent. The campaign «Raising strong children» launched by «Elternbildung CH»
follows these eight principles:
Raising children means … sharing love.
Raising children means ... having time.
Raising children means ... showing your feelings.
Raising children means ...
accepting that it’s okay to argue.
Raising children means ... listening.
Raising children means ... giving each other space.
Raising children means ... setting limits.
Raising children means ... being a source of encouragement.
Parental education: fresh ideas for parents
Parental education concerns us all. It is a form of adult education that deals with social and political issues, with child education and family life.
Parental education programs support the work of mums and dads. Courses, lectures and get-togethers offer fresh ideas and opportunities to reflect on the trials and tribulations of raising children.
Several organisations offer parental education: from women’s, parents’ and family associations to churches.
«Elternbildung Baselland» (ebbl) is an umbrella organisation that supports and coordinates parental education in the Canton of Basel-Landschaft. Visit their website to find a list of parental
education programs for the whole canton.
In addition, «Elternbildung CH» has a database that allows you to search for parental education programmes throughout Switzerland.
Parent counselling: practical advice for everyday situations
Parent counselling is offered in every municipality of the Canton of Basel- Landschaft. This is the place to go if you have questions about the physical, emotional or intellectual development of your child. The centres provide guidance on topics such as breastfeeding, nutrition, care and education and help you come to terms with your new role as a parent.
Counselling is generally free of charge.
Some municipalities will charge a registration fee.
If you need advice dealing with a difficult family situation or are feeling overwhelmed by the task of looking after your children you can contact a youth- and family counselling centre or the
“Sozialpädagogische Familienbegleitung Pedagogical family guidance) of your canton. You can find their addresses and those of other helpful institutions at the end of this chapter.
Becoming parents - staying a couple A child is born – and suddenly everything changes:
The child is always at the centre of attention.
I miss my partner’s support.
We are constantly tired and irritable.
We no longer have time for expressing affection.
The birth of a child turns a couple into parents – a new role which, especially in the first few months, is a full-time
occupation. You are now a mum or dad for life. Hopefully, your relationship will last just as long. Not every relationship does.
Things have changed: while parents used to stay together for economic reasons, the main criteria considered today are love and a healthy relationship.
When it’s all about changing nappies and bottle feeding, or driving the kids to school, music lessons and sports practice – how are you supposed to find time for your partner?
Everything revolves around the kids – including the conversations with your partner. Whether it’s teething pain, household chores, or choosing a
kindergarten: there is much to talk about
and many a problem to solve. Often, kid talk dominates even the few quiet hours in the evenings. One’s own feelings and experiences receive little or no attention.
In this difficult stage of a relationship, some couples start to fear that their love will pay the price. Taking time for each other is essential. A relationship needs to be nurtured. It may sound trivial, but it really is important.
Every couple tries to create space in their own way. How difficult or easy this is depends a lot on external circumstances, such as work and the availability of third- party childcare (be it by relatives or a babysitter).
Childfree time needn’t always be spent as a couple. It is just as important for each partner to meet their own friends, pursue their favourite hobbies, exercise etc. There is often very little time for these things, especially if you have several children.
Unlike couples with no children, parents have to plan. There is no way around an in-depth discussion about chores, childcare, housekeeping and work.
Spending some time without the kids can be wonderful, even if it does take some getting used to!
Being a dad
What it means to be a father has changed dramatically over the years. Many fathers now want to be physically and emotionally present for their children, instead of only being the «breadwinner». This redefining of roles requires a change in mindsets as well as societal change. Surveys show that both men and women would like both a career and to participate fully in family life.
Dealing with new media Television
Children, teenagers and adults can learn a lot from TV. It is a source not only of diversion, entertainment and adventure, but also of information and knowledge.
When should I let my children watch TV?
How much TV should they watch? These are legitimate questions that most parents ask themselves at some point. Small children do not belong in front of the TV, even if there are plenty of programmes targeting a very young audience. Don’t misuse the TV as a babysitter!
Parents need to make their own rules, but here are some basic principles that can provide guidance:
3 to 5 year olds: not more than half an hour a day
6 to 9 year olds: an hour a day at the most
10 to 13 year olds: not more than 90 minutes in front of the TV.
It is up to parents to decide how long their children get to watch TV. As they grow older, kids will want to participate in the selection of programmes, or even choose all on their own. Older children may want to watch programmes that their parents don’t approve of. Read up on the contents of the programme in advance, and maybe even watch it together with your children.
Of course, you always have the option of letting the kids grow up with no TV at all.
Computer
A teenager is sitting in front of a big, grey computer, eyes fixed on the screen, shooting away at airplanes. Such are the images that draw parents’ attention to the problem of computer addiction. Affected children or teenagers no longer hang out with their friends. They show no interest in sports and outdoor activities. Instead, they spend most of their free time on the computer.
Some parents can’t wait to get their kids started on the computer. They believe that educational software, tailor-made for babies and small children, is the best way to prepare their offspring for a society based on performance and competition.
Experts disagree about the best time to introduce computers into a child’s life.
Parental concern that a child will become addicted as soon as it encounters this new technology is understandable, but
unfounded. Despite the temptations of computers and new media, most children lead active lives and interact with friends in the real world and not just virtually. The parents’ main job is to set a good example of responsible and appropriate media use.
Clear rules for surfing and chatting online
Apart from harmful websites, unsecured chat rooms and social media accounts ( such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat) pose the greatest threat to young people on the Web. It is almost impossible for parents to monitor content and behaviours in chat rooms, so wait as long as possible before allowing your child to have a computer in his or her own bedroom or to have a smartphone. It’s better to have a family computer with
separate user accounts and a time plan.
That way, you will have clear rules and time schedules for using the Internet.
If you have no experience with these things, ask your child to show you how to
«chat» and have a go at it yourself! If your child accepts you as one of their contacts, you’ll be able to see when your child is online!
It also makes sense to use the (mostly) preinstalled Kid mode (parental control) on tablets, smartphones, laptops and
computers. If the system does not offer this service, it makes sense to download a simple parental-control software.
Talk to your children about which online activities are fun and safe, and which things may be dangerous. Talk to them in general about available content on the Web, because the time will come when they encounter harmful content (violence, racism, pornography, etc.), so they should be made aware of these things. Why not establish a list together with your child of websites that are safe to visit?
Parenting questions: addresses and links
Please note: Most of the described services and links are in German. If a service is explicitly offered in English this is marked by a *
Switzerland Aargau Basel-Landschaft Basel-Stadt Solothurn
„What is good parenting“?
www.elternbildung.ch
Parental education: fresh ideas for parents www.elternbildung.ch
http://www.gordon-training.ch
www.sveo.ch
www.instep-online.ch
www.elternbildung-aargau.ch http://www.elternbildung- baselland.ch/
http://www.jfs.bs.ch/fuer- familien/
elternbildung.html
http://www.elternbildung- so.ch/home/index.php
Parent counselling: practical advice for everyday situations Pro Familia
www.profamilia.ch
Fachverband Sozialpädagogische
Familienbegleitung Schweiz:
http://www.spf-fachverband.ch
http://www.muetterberatung- aargau.ch/
Sozialpädagogische Familienbegleitung Zürich/Aargau:
http://www.spfplus.ch/
Family counselling outreach program:
www.hota.ch
www.muetterberatung-bl-bs.ch
Sozialpädagogische
Familienbegleitung Baselland http://www.spf-baselland.ch
Familien-, Erziehungs- und Jugendberatungsstellen beider Basel:
http://www.fejb.ch/
www.muetterberatung-bl-bs.ch
Sozialpädagogische Familienbegleitung Basel:
http://www.help-for-families.ch/
Familien-, Erziehungs- und Jugendberatungsstellen beider Basel:
http://www.fejb.ch/
http://www.muetterberatung- so.ch/
http://www.elpos-agso.ch/
http://www.velso.ch/?id=soloth urn.html
http://www.arkadis.ch/de/famili enberatung-_content---1-- 1055.html
Elternnotruf ( Hotline for parenting emergencies):
www.elternnotruf.ch
The family, couple and educaton counselling centre of Basel-Stadt has an agreement with some municipalities in Baselland:
http://www.fabe.ch/
Elternhilfe beider Basel:
http://www.elternhilfe.ch
Familien-, Paar- und Erziehungsberatung Basel- Stadt:
http://www.fabe.ch/
Elternhilfe beider Basel:
http://www.elternhilfe.ch
http://www.beratungsstelle- scala.ch/
Sozialpädagogische
Familienbegleitung Solothurn:
http://www.kompass-
so.ch/seiten/02familienbegleitu ng.html
Becoming parents-staying a couple Online parenting training for
parents, who want to learn how to deal with stress more effectively (free service) www.elterntraining.ch Being a dad
Dachverband der Schweizer Männer- und
Väterorganisationen:
www.maenner.ch
Verein für verantwortungsvoll erziehende Väter und Mütter (VEV):
www.vev.ch www.vaeter
Vater-Kind Frühstück (father- child breakfast) im
Familienzentrum Karussell in Baden:
http://www.karussell- baden.ch/vaeter-kinder- fruehstueck/
Männer-/Väterhaus für gewaltbetroffene Männer:
http://www.zwueschehalt.ch/
Selbsthilfegruppe für schwule Väter aus Basel/Baselland:
http://www.selbsthilfeschweiz.c h/shch/de/selbsthilfe-
gesucht/themenliste.detail.618f 0d5b-4ec6-49f0-9b85-
f31cfa2de804.html
Selbsthilfegruppe für schwule Väter aus Basel/Baselland:
http://www.selbsthilfeschweiz.c h/shch/de/selbsthilfe-
gesucht/themenliste.detail.618f 0d5b-4ec6-49f0-9b85-
f31cfa2de804.html
Switzerland
Dealing with new media : television and computer/ clear rules for chatting and surfing the web
Jugend und Medien: National program to foster children’s competency with new media:
http://www.jugendundmedien.ch
Zistig.ch aims to educate children about responsible media use:
www.zistig.ch
Schweizerische Kriminalprävention: Information about potential dangers for children while surfing the web http://skppsc.ch/
Informaton by Pro Juventute about media competency for childen and teens http://www.projuventute.ch/Medienkompetenz.2092.0.html
Book recommendations
Our book recommendations are generally for books that are available only in German. Where possible we’ve listed the English translation or an equivalent.
On the topic of parenting questions
Broschüre «Acht Sachen … die Erziehung stark machen», zu bestellen beim Schweizerischen Bund für Elternbildung, Tel. 044 253 60 60, info@elternbildung.ch
"Autorität ohne Gewalt. Elterliche Präsenz als systemisches Konzept"
Von Haim Omer und Arist von Schlippe, Vandenhoeck & Ruprecht, 2014.
Autorität durch Beziehung.
„Die Praxis des gewaltlosen Widerstands in der Erziehung“
Von Haim Omer und Arist von Schlippe, Vandenhoeck & Ruprecht, 2015.
„Familienkonferenz: Die Lösung von Konflikten zwischen Eltern und Kind“
Von Thomas Gordon, Heyne Verlag, 2012.
„Kleine Helden in Not: Jungen auf der Suche nach Männlichkeit“
Von Dieter Schnack und Rainer Neutzling, Rororo Verlag, 2011.
„Kompetente Erzieher haben kompetente Kinder“
Hansheini Fontanive www.sveo.ch> Publikationen> Brochüre, 2008.
On the topic of being parents- staying a couple
"Eltern werden – Partner bleiben. Ein Überlebenshandbuch für Paare mit Nachwuchs"
Von Eva Tillmetz, Peter Themessl und Johann Mayr, Mabuse Verlag, 2012.
On the topic of being a dad
"Vater werden ist nicht schwer? Zur neuen Rolle des Vaters rund um die Geburt"
Von Eberhard Schäfer und Michael Abou-Dakn, Psychosozial-Verlag, 2008
"Wie Väter ticken. 111 Fakten, die aus Söhnen & Töchtern Väter- Versteher machen"
Von Maximilian Brost, Schwarzkopf & Schwarzkopf, 2009.
On the topic of dealing with new media
„Medien-Kids“ bewusst umgehen mit allen Medien – von Anfang an Von Eveline Hipeli, Beobachter Verlag, 2014.
